Cheated

I try to keep my blog posts as impersonal as I can. I never liked that people tended to dwell on their problems and spread them all throughout the internet. I've always tried to make life a little more light hearted and cute, hence this blog.

However, this blog post will be very personal.

My boyfriend of two years recently cheated on me.

It happened about two and a half weeks ago. He told me the night it happened, and since then I've been going through a lot of emotional distress.

I thought I'd share my own experiences with you, in the hopes that you may realize that other people go through the same thing, and respond to it in the same way.

When he told me I was of course shocked, but at the same time I was confused. I had never been placed in that situation before. How are you suppose to act? What are the appropirate things to say? The truth is that there is no guideline for that situation, you just have to do as you feel.

After he told me we had a long conversation about him cheating, our relationship and the future.

The odd thing is, I knew that I wouldn't break up with him over this. You may think that odd, and thats fine because even I think its odd. Whenever a friend of mine would call me and tell me their boyfriend/girlfriend had something terrible my reaction was "Screw them! Leave em'!"

I am doing the opposite.

Its not that I wasn't angry, I was pissed off. Here was this man that I am willing to do anything for, I cook meals for him because I know he likes it when I do. I give him backrubs everynight because its a simple thing that makes him happy. I do all thats in my power to make his life better, and he does this to me.

I can't say why he did it, he doesn't even know why. He told me what I expected "I'm sorry, I don't want you to feel like this. I love you, I'm so sorry". If you knew my boyfriend you'd understand that he never says he's sorry, nor shows much outward emotion at all. At that moment though he was showing it all.

Here a five thoughts I have on the whole cheating thing:

1. Trust - I trusted him, infact I still do most of the time. But I don't think I can get back to a total sense of trust anytime soon, and thats just fine. Trust is a hard thing to comeby in todays world.

2. Anger - Its alright to be angry. I was. How dare he? Who did he think he was? Those thoughts still run through my mind. Its okay to be angry. Just don't over do it. He does feel bad for what happened, and be punishing him with my temper won't help matters.

3. Revenge - One may think that its a good option to get "revenge" on a person when they've cheated you. I disagree. If I were to go out and sleep with someone else that would only worsen matters. And I would be no better then he is. I have to admit, I thought about it. But my heart, and my mind wouldn't allow that. Its odd, I have no desire for another person sexually.

4. Depresseion- When I become depressed I seclude myself. Nothing in the world matters accept for me feeling comfortable and silent. Its okay to be depressed, but don't allow it to ruin your relationship if you want to stay with him or her. I couldn't get down on myself and expect my relationship with my boyfriend to get any better. You must be strong.

5. Time- Time is the only way to get over it. No friend, or family member can trully make it all better. Only time can do that. All you can do is try to go on with things, and if they don't improve then you know that you at least tried.

Remember, you can be perfectly happy being single. All your accomplishments, and your good deeds make you a good person, a valuable person. No boyfriend is going to make you a good person.

Thats all

-Sean